To kill a roach

Roaches. Lovely things to look at, a joy to crush. I am the official roach and critters crusher in my family. Even the men I know would squirm shamelessly. Of course a few of them would salvag their ego by telling me that they were not afraid of roaches, just could NOT tolerate the smell of them or some stoopid lame reason.. like I am a vegan. I kill them not eat them!

I am also the roach buster for my friends who would risk MY life by opening the car door and dashing into the traffic whenever they thought they saw a roach inside the car.

I love roaches. I would trail them with my roving eyes each time I see a roach. There was one in my room last night. 6.9 cm long (post mortem). Let me share with you the secret of immobilising a roach. YOU DON'T USE B*YGON or M*RTEIN or any kind of pest spray.

The trick - use any SPRAY - lemonpledge, hair spray, 1 to 99 bleach/water DIY spray (HK advocated this combo during the SARS outbreak), Dettol spray, even EDT from a cheapy boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse.

Like some Chow Yuen Fatt movies, I put on my roach eaten B&rberry trenchcoat , I armed myself with 2 nice cans of Dettol spray and position myself to spray that damn roach. Die! Roach Die! The roach slowed to a painful wriggling stop, flipped over (I am not exaggerating) and I continued to administer that last fatal spray into its limp body.

If I wasnt in the chow yuen fatt or john wayne mood, I would be merciful and offer it a quick death by clubbing it swiftly with rolled up newspapers or my enhanced roach killer slipper. When I wanted the roaches dead, I want them very dead.

I left the gun and took the cannolis. All the time, I was smiling.

[post 26/1997]